


if only i'd have known you had a storm to weather

by LovelyLesbian



Series: if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind [6]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: ANYWAYSSS, Are You Proud of Me?, Implied/Referenced Suicide, TW for a l l t h e t h i n g s, Two Chapters, i'm projecting myself onto Cathy, whoopsie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23174242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLesbian/pseuds/LovelyLesbian
Summary: catherine parr knew that something was wrong but never asked kat if something was wrong.READ OTHER PARTS FIRST  (please):)
Relationships: Katherine Howard & Catherine Parr
Series: if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1613554
Comments: 18
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends. this is the first part with two chapters. the next chapter will have the letter, but this chapter is kinda like goin down memory lane( in a bad way, kinda)

“I think I knew that something bad was going to happen,” Cathy whispered. She could feel Anna’s eyes on her and deliberately stared at the dark ceiling. Lightning flashed for a moment and illuminated the room.

“You _what_?” Anna gasped. Thunder crashed, making both of them shudder.

“I… I think I knew she was going to do something. I never slept, like, ever, and I could always hear her crying. She was growing more distant, which I guess no one else noticed.” Cathy took a breath. “Ever the observer, I just… watched her. She’d been wearing only long-sleeves since sometime last year and began to look like me when I haven’t slept for a week. I don’t think that she was sleeping. We all have nightmares, but she has them worse than that and sure-fire way to stave off nightmares is to not go to sleep. However, less sleep leads to a worse mental state.”

“You saw all of this and never did anything? Never said anything to the rest of us? What the hell, Cathy? She could still be here if you had just _talked_ to her or something!” Anna was sitting straight up, her voice now above a whisper-level. Cathy reached over and turn on the lamp and sat up.

“Anna, I didn’t know. I only speculated. And for your information, I _did_ do something. I tried to get closer with her, give her a tie to the world. We read together and talked to each other and enjoyed each other’s company. I simply wasn’t enough. Why didn’t you talk to her? Why didn’t Jane? Anne? Catherine? We didn’t _know._ And we all feel terrible about that, but there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

Anna sunk back down onto the bed and closed her eyes. “I’m sorry. Can you turn out the light?” Cathy did so and laid back down. They laid there for hours, neither of them sleeping, but neither of them talked, either.

«☆»

**Last December**

Cathy had no sleep schedule, like, at all. She would stay up all night and all day, with naps being few and far between. She had so much to learn, to read, to do. She had become accustomed to operating on very little sleep. But even on 17 and a half minutes of sleep, Cathy could see everything.

Not _everything_ , obviously. But she picked up on things that no one else did. No one seemed to notice that Anne picked at her nail polish when she was bored or nervous. No one seemed to notice that Catherine always drew the same pattern on any paper she had. It was little, trivial things that Cathy noticed.

When it came to Katherine Howard, there was a lot that no one seemed to notice. The girl was always wearing long sleeves or a jacket, even when it was quite warm outside. She kept her arms folded around herself. She hardly ate during family mealtimes and hardly spoke, unless she was spoken to. It seemed as though the girl was trapped in her own mind. Cathy knew the feeling but never had she been trapped as long as Katherine had.

Something wasn’t right. All the things that Cathy noticed all lead her to a conclusion that she didn’t like. Words echoed around her mind all the time, but right now her mind was screaming _Something bad is going to happen_.

Cathy tried to get closer to her. One particular day, Katherine looked so buried in her thoughts that Cathy decided to take her out for a walk. She had to say her name several times to get her attention.

“Katherine? Katherine? Did you hear me?” she asked. Kat took her headphones out of her earbuds and gave Cathy an apologetic look.

“No, sorry. What did you say?” Katherine closed her eyes for a few seconds. Something was happening in her head, but Cathy chose not to bring attention to it.

“I asked if you wanted to go for a walk or something. I’ve been up all night, and it looks like you have too. I think a breath of fresh air could do both of us some good.”

Katherine looked at the ground and replied, “Can I bring my headphones? Music makes me feel more awake.” A lie, Cathy could tell. But she just nodded

“Sure. I never said we had to talk.” Cathy replied. Katherine put on her shoes and both of them headed out the door.

«☆»

They walked over the bridge in their small town on the way to the cafe. Cathy noticed Kat’s breathing pick up while crossing and made a note in her mind. _Maybe she’s afraid of heights_ part of her mind whispered. _That’s not it. Something bad is going to happen_ said another part of her mind. While Cathy had hoped it was heights, she knew it wasn’t.

When they reached the cafe, Kat seemed lost in her mind again. Cathy had ordered two hot chocolates and set one in front of Kat. The walk over had been silent but now Cathy wanted to talk.

“I have the most excellent idea.” Kat looked up and took an earbud out. “I’d like to read with you. Not out loud, unless you’d like that. Like a book club of sorts, but just the two of us. We read the book and then discuss it. How does that sound?"

Kat looked at her hands and bit her lip before looking up at Cathy and nodding.

“I’d like that. What do you want to start with?”

“I was thinking _Witness_ by Karen Hesse. It’s a novel in verse, and I think it’ll be good.”

From then on, Cathy and Kat read books together all the time. Cathy hoped that it would be enough, constantly talking and being together. They talked about books and sometimes, Cathy would get her to open up.

«☆»

One night in January, Catherine was walking by Kat’s room, trying not to make noise, as it was 3 AM. She heard muffled sobs and paused. How does someone proceed in this situation? She hesitated with her hand around the knob. Her anxiety was off the charts but she knew she had to. _Something bad might be happening._ This could be the moment that had been plaguing Cathy for months.

She opened the door to see Katherine sitting on the bed, her frail body hugging a pillow. She could tell that Katherine was trying to feign sleep. Instead of attempting to get the girl to open up, she simply put the pillow on the floor, walked to the other side of the bed and wrapped herself around Katherine. She moved her thumb back and forth on top of Kat’s thumb.

Kat whimpered but didn’t object. Silent tears slipped out of her eyes and Cathy realized that this may have been the first time she was hugged in a long time. She hated that. When she didn’t get hugs, she wished for them more than anything. She wanted the pressure around her, and while she didn’t know what was happening inside Kat’s head, she knew that she needed her.

«☆»

Kat and Cathy had grown close in the next month, but Cathy could feel her pulling back. _Something bad is going to happen._

It was February 13. Cathy knew that today was Kat’s death day. She knew that Kat would probably be going through the motions, not entirely in the present. However, she wasn’t. Today was the most engaged Cathy had seen Kat in a very long time.

That should have been warning sign #1.

When Kat came to her room to discuss _Tuesdays With Morrie,_ Cathy was excited to see her so engaged. She laughed with her and both explained their thoughts. They stayed in Cathy’s sunlight room until lunch. Cathy could tell Kat was spending time with each queen. Making the rounds.

That should have been warning sign #2.

That night, Cathy stayed up reading a _Speak_ by Laurie Halse Anderson, which was a rather short book. She wanted to stay up in case Katherine came into her room. She was absorbed in the words up until the last moment. She looked up at the clock. **11:29**. Cathy swears that exact moment, she heard a door click. It wasn’t loud enough to be the front door, so it must’ve been someone closing their door. She stays up for as long as she can until she can no longer keep her eyes open. She refused to go to her bed because then Kat might not want to disturb her. She stayed in her office chair until the sun rose.

She had had no visitors in the nighttime. Strange. Cathy made her way to the kitchen to make coffee. After everyone had eaten breakfast, Jane made her way up to Kat’s room. They heard screams several minutes later. Everyone rushed in to find Jane on the floor of Kat’s room.

“S-s- she’s _gone_. She’s k-k-k killed herself!” Jane sobbed. “She’s left letters for each of us. You don’t have to read them now, I don’t think.” Cathy stood there in shock. No, this couldn’t be real could it? The door click? Katherine being so close to everybody yesterday? Katherine getting lost inside her own head? _Oh my God. Something bad happened._

Then Anne spoke in a whisper, _“How could we have missed this?”_

_But I didn’t miss it. I knew and I didn’t stop it._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the letter tm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is really short, but i think it's nice

Cathy read her letter immediately. She needed to know.

_Cathy_

She slid her finger underneath the seal and opened the letter. As she unfolded, she felt her chest tighten. She hadn’t let herself cry yet because she needed to be strong. Strong enough to read the letter now because if she didn’t do it now, then she might never do it.

_Dear Cathy,_

_Thank you. For making me feel more alive in these past months than I have in a long time. I enjoyed you and your company, but sometimes you can’t stop what has been set in motion. Book club was my favorite time of the week, even if it was just the two of us._

_I think you knew something was going to happen, didn’t you? Well. I’m sorry you had to live with that. Sometimes we have a feeling and can’t quite figure out what it is and therefore do nothing. That being said, this isn’t your fault. How could it be? Did you ever call me the names and hateful words that got stuck in my head? Did you tell me to kill myself? No. That was on me. This whole ordeal is on me._

_I don’t have much to say. You know it all. You knew that something was wrong. You knew that I was in pain. You held me on that one night in January and then did so whenever you heard me crying. I thank you for that, because G-d knows I need it._

_The others’ letters are longer than the one I’m leaving you. I’m sort of at a loss for words. You’ve always been so strong Cathy, even when you felt like you weren’t. You’re strong and need to stay that way. The others… I don’t know what they’ll do, but keep an eye on them for me, okay? Catherine’s going to keep it all bottled up, Anna too. Jane’s going to be a mess and Anne’s a wild card, like always. Be there for them. Please._

_All my love,_

_Katherine_

«☆»

Cathy folded the letter, placed on her nightstand and took a deep breath. Despite wanting to fall apart right now, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She walked to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Tears were threatening to spill out of her eyes. She walked over to the shower and turned it on. Once the water was warm enough, she stepped in and tears began to stream down her face. She didn’t make any noise, for fear of calling attention to herself. She knew. She _knew_ that something bad was going to happen and she didn’t do anything.

Kat said it wasn’t her fault. A lie.

«☆»

Cathy spent the next few months overthinking every little thing she saw. Suddenly, her ability to notice small things put her on edge. She refused to sleep, her mind was going to fast for that. She simply couldn’t let anything go. It didn’t help when she didn’t actually tell people what she was thinking. She kept it inside until night. She would go into her room and write obsessively. She wrote everything she had observed that day. She filled countless journals with her thoughts.

She had to find a way to let it all out. However, after an incident involving a pan of burnt cookies, Cathy began to sleep. She and Anna slept in Anna’s room, keeping each other safe. Cathy knew if anybody went into her room and pick up a journal, she would be sent straight to the insane asylum, or at the very least, a therapist.

«☆»

One day, Cathy came back from a trip to the library to find Anna in her room. With a journal. _Oh god._ She set down her bag and raced across the room and grabbed the journal out of Anna’s hands. “What are you doing?” she gasped.

Anna held up her hands, “I was just waiting for you to get back. I’m sorry that I read it without permission, but I have to ask, what is it? I saw our names, but I couldn’t really make sense of it.”

“It’s my thoughts,” Cathy whispered. “Every day I would spend the entire night writing out what I had seen that day. I tend to… over observe. I needed to get it all out.” Anna nodded.

“Well, if you ever want to say what’s on your mind instead of writing it out, you know where I am.” Cathy didn’t know if she would ever do that (her thought were hers, after all), but having the option felt nice. Having another friend felt nice. Maybe one day she would start book club with Anna. She had enjoyed it, hadn’t she?

Maybe one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo. i have a question. for the alt ending (woo hoo) should it be from Cathy's pov or Katherine's? please tell me ur thoughts and ideas for the alt ending bc lord knows i'm an indecisive child.

**Author's Note:**

> ahaha, sorry
> 
> TITLES  
> Series- I Found-Amber Run  
> Aragon- Dynasty-MIIA  
> Boleyn- are you with me?-nilu  
> Seymour- Capsize- FRENSHIP  
> Cleves- Colors(stripped)- Halsey  
> Parr- Before You Go- Lewis Capaldi
> 
> *Feel free to leave comments or kudos, no matter how long it's been since posting! i appreciate them!!


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